I am a platonic cuddler.
What does that mean, you ask?
It means I screen, then bring strangers into my home and we cuddle. For about an hour or so. We cuddle on the couch or on my bed. I’ve been doing this for about eight months.
What do I get out of it, you ask?
Quality time and physical touch without assumption and ulterior motivations. It’s loveless, it’s passionless and utterly fulfilling.
I think I’ve found a hidden gem. I’ve found something I never knew I was missing.
You still with me?
Single or not, if this sounds intriguing to you, I’m here to shed a little light on the cuddle process in my experience, so far. If platonic, physical touch is what you crave, then good for you. You deserve to have touch and connection in your life. I consider it a basic human need.
How it begins
As with all things today, it starts with an app. There are a few cuddle apps out there, and you’ll want to explore a bit to find the right one for you. I landed on cuddlecomfort.com.
Create a profile
Say hi and introduce yourself. List some interests and what kind of cuddle you’re looking for. Some profiles reference why or how they came to be on the app. Personally, I’ve found more connection with cuddlers who share in the same reasons as me.
Remember, this is not dating.
You’re not looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right: someone who checks off all your “boxes”. The pressure is off. Honesty is the best policy.
Information about your availability
Aside from the general information listed in profiles, what’s unique about a cuddle profile is the inclusion of preferred times and cuddle locations.
Preferred days and times are helpful to know. Morning, afternoon, evening? Weekdays or weekends? Or maybe just Sunday afternoon, or Tuesday evening. A great feature for people who have a need, but limited time for physical connection.
Cuddle locations can be public, host, or guest. Maybe you just want some company to go get coffee. See a movie. No pressure and no mixed messages. I went on a cuddle date and we held hands while strolling around the park and enjoying some casual conversation. Most of the time I host the cuddle. I feel very safe and secure in my own surroundings. As a woman, this is the most important baseline.
Upload some pictures
To keep the cuddle experience transparent and honest, full-body pictures are especially important. It’s a place to be honest with one's body type. A place to show off one’s snuggle bug capabilities.
3–4 pictures that capture your physique and general personality should be sufficient.
As an example — here’s my profile.
Now it’s time to apply your search parameters and find your cuddle buddy. No need to feel bad about filtering in exactly what you’re looking for.
Again you’re not looking for a life partner, you’re looking for a cuddle partner.
Filters are focused on all the usual things (age, race, location) with the added filters of relationship status, orientation, preferred times, and the professional cuddler option.
Yes, I said professional cuddler.
If you’re including professional cuddlers, expect a cuddle session to run $40-$110/hour. The average I’ve seen is around $80/hour.
Now you’re ready to begin some messaging. This process is just like any other process. You will search, reach out to someone, and send a greeting through the app interface.
However, at this point the difference between messaging for dating purposes and for cuddle purposes become obvious. There is a little “get to know you” exchanged, but the clear intentions are right out in the open.
The question to answer is: Would this person be a good cuddle partner?
The question is not: Can I see myself in a relationship with this person?
This is where the conversation and the people will begin to naturally divide.
For instance, one of my inquiries is about previous cuddles. I am more drawn to the men who have cuddle experience because they already understand the importance of the agreed boundaries.
New cuddlers often bring up questions or fears about arousal. It is a legitimate question. My answer is, “In my experience, once we’ve talked about our boundaries about and before the cuddle, arousal becomes a non-issue. This is a platonic setting. If you feel as if you may not be able to adhere to the agreed boundaries, then this site may not be the right fit for you”.
This response weeds out the non-potentials almost immediately. Anyone who lingers on this subject is not someone I continue to pursue.
Chat on the phone
If messaging went well, then it’s pretty standard to pick a time to talk on the phone. It’s important to get a feel for how the conversation flows between the two of you. Does this person feel like a friend? Are they making any kind of innuendos or inappropriate jokes?
It’s important to know what you’re looking for in a cuddle buddy. Some people may not want to have a lot of conversation while cuddling and the phone call is another opportunity to talk about both of your expectations.
Yes, it can feel like a bit of an interview, but that’ okay.
To me, the stakes are a little bit higher because I’m agreeing to be physically close with someone on a first meeting. However, the reward can easily outweigh the effort of finding just the right platonic cuddle partner.
I keep the chat to about 20-30 minutes and try not to ask highly personal questions. I am not concerned about life goals, education, family values, career path, or anything else. I just want to get a good and relaxing connection.
Schedule a time to meet
So you found someone!
The messaging went well, the phone conversation was effortless and you both decided on a time and place to meet up for your first interaction.
You’re getting closer to your cuddle.
I would suggest an initial time parameter to be around an hour. This gives you both time to be in one another’s company and see how it goes.
Something I tell a new cuddle buddy is, “when we meet, let’s just hug and pretend we’re old friends”. I then greet with a “hi friend” when we see each other. It’s been a comfortable and seamless approach for me.
A public cuddle
If it was an agreed public cuddle, then you’re probably out and about in the world just hanging out with a new friend. Have fun and enjoy.
Don’t be afraid to give a little hug, maybe hold hands, or just sit close to your cuddle buddy.
The awkwardness should evaporate quickly since you’ve already set a rapport and some boundaries/expectations for your time out together.
A private cuddle
Whether you’re hosting or a guest a private, in-person cuddle is most likely the main goal of anyone looking to find a cuddle partner.
Yes, someone does need to speak the initial words, “ready to cuddle?” I would encourage the host to facilitate the cuddle session as they are responsible for the energy in the home.
However, the hardest part is now over.
Now just lay down, relax and cuddle. Let your mind clear, your body relax, and all worries of intentions and expectations melt away.
This is platonic cuddling. No games, no moves, no pressure.
When you are finally in the physical cuddle stage, feeling relaxed and comfortable, this is where the real energy gets injected into this process.
This is the moment your stranger is no longer a stranger.
And enjoy the physical touch you have been missing.
Thank you, bye
Eventually, the cuddle session will come to an end. If you enjoyed the cuddle you can schedule another time, or you can agree to get in touch later. Whatever feels best.
There should not be any pressure or expectation when you part ways.
In my experience, I felt incredibly happy and peaceful after my first cuddle. The moment he left I realized, as a single person, I hadn’t felt that good in a really long time.
This stranger had given me the loveliest gift. The gift of quality time and physical touch. It was kind, respectful, and felt like food for my soul.
Whether or not we would see each other again didn’t matter.
That was totally amazing!
So…now that you know how the platonic cuddling world works…are you in?
Could this be something you’re missing and just don’t know yet.
If yes, have a great time. Be selective. Be safe. Be respectful.
If no, that’s okay too. It isn’t for everyone.
At the End of the Day
Connection with another person is an essential human need. Quality time and physical touch are part of this human experience. These things can never be dismissed or overrated.
So, if you’re into it…go forth and cuddle!
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